Here at Dakota Hills Veterinary Clinic, we usually use this blog space to share helpful information and advice about our animal friends and their care needs. Of course, we also like to include bits of humor. That only makes sense. After all, one of the best things about pets is the fact that they make us laugh. Many of our animal companions are like live-in comedians. In the spirit of showing appreciation for our furred and feathered friends silly sides, we’re sharing some of our favorite bad pet jokes. Read on for some ‘pawsitively’ hilarious one-liners from our Rapid City, SD veterinary clinic.

Funnies From The Farm

Why do cows go to New York? To see the moo-sicals

What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer

Why do cows never have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry

What’s the first thing you should do if a bull charges you? Pay him

Why do cows never have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry

Where did the sheep go on vacation? The Baaaahamas

Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig? Because he’ll hog the ball

Why did the pig have ink all over his face? Because he just came out of the pen

How long do chickens work? Around the cluck

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

What was the first animal in space? The cow who jumped over the moon

Reptilian Ribbins

What’s a frog’s favorite soda? Croak-a-Cola

What’s a reptile’s favorite movie? The Lizard of Oz

What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon

What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad

What did the iguana say to his crush? Iguana be your valentine

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator

 Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the other ssssssside

What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant? French flies

Which kinds of snakes are found on cars? Windshield viper

Dog Gone It

What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies? “Should we walk home or take the dog? “

What do cats say after making a joke? “Just kitten!”

What do you call a dog magician? A Labracadabrador

What’s it called when all the kitty treats are gone? A cat-astrophe.

What happened to the dog who ate nothing but garlic? His bark was much worse than his bite

Why did the cats ask for a drum set? They wanted to make some mewsic

Why don’t you want to play board games with a cat? They tend to be cheetahs.

When cats don’t want to say goodbye, what do they say instead? See ya litter!

What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Ruff!
Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make ends meet
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog
Why don’t dogs make good dancers? They have two left feet
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You can step in a poodle
Why are dogs like phones? Because they have collar IDs

What dog loves to take bubble baths? A shampoodle
What do you call a dog that is left-handed? A southpaw
What type of markets do dogs avoid? Flea markets
What kind of dog does Dracula have?  A bloodhound

What do dogs eat for breakfast? Pooched eggs

What kind of dog doesn’t bark? A hushpuppy

What do you get when you cross a hammock and a dog? A rocker spaniel

What do you call a cold canine? A chili dog

What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied

What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard! It’s the best thing for a hot dog

What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator? A best friend you can count on 

What did the Dalmatian say after his meal? That really hit the spot

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? He wanted to get a long, little doggie

Are dogs good at science? Well, labs are

What did the dog study at college? Bark-eology

What do you do if your dog chews up your dictionary? Take the words out of his mouth

Where do you put barking dogs? A barking lot

Why couldn’t the dog get the apple? He was barking up the wrong tree

What trick did the loaf of bread teach the dog? Roll over

What kind of tree has the best bark? A dogwood

What’s the best way to paint a dog? Wait till they’re asleep

What did the fish name his dog? Gill

Where should you go if your dog is missing? The lost and hound

Why do dogs float? Because they’re good buoys

Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes? A Chi-ha-ha

What do you call a wolf that uses bad language? A swearwolf

What do you call a wolf who gets lost? A where-wolf

A Few For The Birds

Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it’s too far to walk

What do ducks watch on TV? Duck-umentaries

What kind of bird works at a construction site? The crane

What did the sick chicken say? I have the people-pox

What bird is always sad? The blue jay

Why do seagulls like to live by the sea? If they lived by the bay, they would be bagels

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken

What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment

What do you call a sarcastic duck? A wise quacker

Just Kitten Around

How are a cat and a sentence different? A cat has claws at the end of its paws; a sentence has a pause at the end of its clause

What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrr-ple
Why are cats good at video games? They have nine lives
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted
What song does a cat like best? Three Blind Mice

What game did the cat like to play with the mouse? Catch
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip? To the mewseum
Why did the cat go to medical school? To become a first-aid kit
Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane? Kitty-hawk
Have you ever seen a catfish? No. How did he hold the rod and reel?

What do cats have for breakfast? Mice Crispies!

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale

Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? To the retail store

Why don’t cats like online shopping? They prefer to use a cat-alogue

Schedule An Appointment At Your Rapid City, SD Pet Clinic

All jokes aside … do you have any questions about your pet’s health or care? Please feel free to contact us here at Dakota Hills Veterinary Clinic, your Rapid City, SD pet hospital. We are dedicated to offering excellent veterinary care!